4 Ways to get back to F & F

Author: Damian Johnson – Marriage is Real

The great Jimmy Evans from Marriage Today said, “If you stop having fun and stop having sex, your relationship is doomed.”  As with every piece of data that enters my ear gates, I soaked it all in. After the soak, it’s time for reflection, self-evaluation and (if need be) applicability. So, I started asking myself, “when is the last time we did something that we both enjoyed and how’s the sex life right now?”  I realized that we had not had any “we” time in a while and sex had slowed down too. DANG! We understand it is so easy to fall into the mundane things of life. After 20+ years of marriage, it’s so easy to be on autopilot! At this point, you’re probably asking what is F & F? Simply put, it’s Fun and Sex or F’in!

There has been a common thread amongst the people we’ve coached…they don’t do anything fun together and the sex is virtually non-existent.  Chances are if you ain’t F&F’in, you have some issues in your marriage.

Here are a few things to do so that you can get back to the F&F:

• Lose the titles

We spend so much time being Mommy & Daddy that we can lose our identities as individuals.  You married the person and not the title. Take time to cultivate with the person and not the title.

• Leave the kids out of it!

Promote time for each other. Don’t make the kids the center of the conversations.  Focus on each other. Really delve into the person and what’s going on with them personally and not the parental woes.  You can pick those up when you are done having fun!

• Get away!!!

Part of having fun is embracing stuff you enjoy doing together. Go and ride go-karts, play tetherball, have dinner, find an event to attend, HAVE FUN!!   Even if it’s for one day put it on the calendar and find a place for the kids to go. Get a room at a hotel and just veg. Watch movies, order room service and just enjoy the kid free environment.  Walk around naked! Do things you’d like to do at home but can’t!  

• Do it, Do it, Do it!

When we are not engaging in sex, we are not vibrating according to our makeup.  Have you ever had sex and realized that you needed it? Our bodies relay signals to us that our minds block. Listen to your body! Have sex!  This is tried and true! Embrace the vibe of being alone and have as much sex as you can while you are away. Leave all of your inhibitions at home!  Remember, you used to like to have sex, didn’t you? My wife told me that women like sex just as much as men so while you guys are away embrace the sexual being that you are! One of the main intents of sex is to produce intimacy (closeness).  Pillow talk is some of the most meaningful time that is available to a husband and wife.  

If we F & F, the bond that it creates can give way to mature, meaningful dialogue in other areas that may be lacking in the relationship.  

Peace,

Damian Johnson