I love my husband’s laid-back spirit but I hate that he’s a procrastinator!
Me– I plan almost everything in advance. While Travis loves that I’m organized and detailed, he hates that I don’t always go with the flow! There have been several moments where we literally drove each other crazy over this difference.
While I love my husband and can’t imagine life without him, I love my sanity more! So, I knew I had to find a way to balance my love-hate relationship for his laid-back, spontaneous persona.
Here are the 6 ways I’ve learned to encourage my husband to tackle his tasks.
- The first thing I did was to simply ask him why he chooses to procrastinate. His response was that he didn’t like the disappointment associated with plans that don’t go accordingly. That was good to hear as often times it felt like Travis did not view our home as a priority. I had to realize he’s not trying to overwhelm me. Procrastination is a habitual behavior that usually can’t be broken overnight.
- I avoid “telling” him what he needs to do. I casually mention his tasks and then I create a “honey do-list.” He’s visual and he needs to physically check things off. The list was actually his request.
- Each week we have a family meeting. We handle time-sensitive matters during this hour. We use the hour to finalize decisions, make important phone calls, discuss the budget, etc. together.
- I choose my battles by checking myself. Before upsetting myself about something he is putting off, I ask myself:
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- How does this affect me?
- If it’s left to the last minute would it hurt us or put us in a bind?
i.e. I’ve learned to stop caring that the trash is not put out on the curb on Thursday nights. I actually now get a good laugh seeing my husband run out the house in his pajamas when he hears the garbage truck pull up early Friday morning. On the other hand, I make sure financial discussions are always viewed as urgent and discuss them in our family meeting.
- I exercise tough love: I’m going to be honest, I have chosen to let some things fall through. Of course I am selective on what I choose and make sure that it’s nothing that can hurt our family. But I had to make a decision that I can’t do everything.
- I communicate my frustration. It’s okay to let your spouse know when their procrastination will place extra stress on you. It’s also okay to shut that sh*! down (sorry not sorry). We had a trip planned for months and two days before our scheduled trip, Travis let me know he wanted to leave a day earlier. I didn’t explain the mile long to do list I already had to tackle in only two days. I simply said. “Aww babe I wish you would have let me know earlier, but the way our to do list is set up…” In short, everything doesn’t need to be an argument.
Quick do’s and don’ts for dealing with a procrastinator:
DO:
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- Do include them in the plans. One thing I learned is that I can’t make plans without my husband and expect him to enthusiastically carry the plans out.
- Do realize it’s not natural for a procrastinator to NOT PROCRASTINATE. Have a little empathy and appreciate any effort your husband makes.
Don’t:
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- Move their tasks to your already long to do list. I am the Queen of “I’ll do it myself.” All that will do is make your spouse ignore their responsibilities and make you feel overwhelmed and resentful.
- Don’t leave out the details. Make lists with due dates and highlight why the task and due dates are important. Men are logical creatures. They like it plain, simple and straight to the point.
So I bet you’re wondering WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO DO ALL OF THIS? I think of all the flaws in myself that my spouse has to overcompensate for and I appreciate that he chooses not to complain about them. I also realize this same “flaw” he has is equal to a positive characteristic that has brought me balance and improved my life drastically. Some things can actually wait until tomorrow and provide room to enjoy the things that should be appreciated today.
XO, Rhea
