Marriage isn’t fair.

Did you know this?  Because I sure didn’t!  I’ve always heard so much about marriage being a partnership (and it is), but it’s certainly not in the traditional sense of what I define a partnership to be.

If you really want to have a successful marriage, stop expecting it to be fair

Marriage is not about two people putting equal amounts of resources into making something great. When one partner is not pulling their weight, you can’t amend or cancel the contract, or at least you shouldn’t anyway.

I used to — okay, I’m lying — I STILL get frustrated about some of the disparities I deal with in my marriage.  How come Travis gets to come home, actually sit down and collect his thoughts before doing anything else?  Why does it feel like all of the household chores belong to me?

But on the flip side, I’m sure Travis wonders, “Why do I have to do all of the driving when we take road trips? Why is it frequently left to me to discipline the kids?”

Unfortunately, these examples just scratch the surface of the many imbalances marriage may present. Many couples go through seasons of feeling like one spouse is not matching the efforts of the other and many couples even deal with a marital hurt that is undoubtedly unfair to bring to a marriage.  Letting go of the frustrations associated with looking for fairness in marriage is tough, but I’ve made a decision to always give 110% to my marriage.

Marriage is not 50/50

In a marriage, sometimes it takes more than meeting your spouse halfway.  Sometimes, you’re required to meet your spouse exactly where they are and work your way toward middle ground together.

[tweetthis]Love is whole. If marriage is about love, it can’t be split up 50/50. -Unknown[/tweetthis]

I try to keep two things in mind when I feel like I haven’t had the pleasure of being on the receiving end as often as I would like:

1. Avoid keeping score

Stop tallying up what your spouse does vs what you do. If you feel like your husband is not pulling his weight, communicate your feelings to him. Your fabulous self married a hard-working man and he will likely work even harder to make you a happy wife! I’m sure that if there is an egregious imbalance, it’s nothing a heart-to-heart discussion can’t resolve.

2. Recognize it’s not your responsibility to always make it happen!

You don’t always have to put extra responsibilities on yourself. The house does not always have to be spotless, your family is capable of cleaning up after themselves and you don’t always have to take on that extra project at work. Sometimes, as superwomen, we take on way more responsibility than we need to and there are even times that we don’t accept help from others.  But it’s not your responsibility to always make it happen!

If you didn’t know that marriage was not designed to be fair, now you know! It’s a union of two imperfect people who practice the art of give and take consistently.  It requires knowing that some periods will consist of more gives that is balanced out by the periods of more takes. That’s not to say that during the seasons when you are the primary giver, you won’t experience frustrations, but remember that what you give comes back to you and how you handle those temporary seasons could make your marriage that much stronger.

Rhea