Healing from Marital Hurt

 

In order to love, and really experience love—one’s emotional spirit was penetrated by gestures of affection.  Giving and receiving love is the epitome of trust found between soulmates.  And then—to have your heart shattered by your spouse is absolutely devastating.

Something was said or done to profoundly cause hurt. Love was lost following betrayal, dishonesty, or being distant. Or, there was inaction. There was something that should have been said or done to make everything okay, but it wasn’t.

Most women have been in this emotional space at least once or twice.

The reality is that our mates are not perfect.  Developing a healthy relationship takes trial and error, and unfortunately marital hurt is a component of this process—anyone sincerely offering an olive branch of peace should be eligible for forgiveness.  Even “husbands” who made vows to never do anything to forsake their wives.

Steps toward healing

Healing from heartbreak requires wives to sternly face let-downs, disappointment, and feelings of loss head on.  Emotional restoration after being hurt is an act that only few can achieve. Practicing forgiveness is the key to healing.

Marital peace should be allowed to exist after any marriage problem has occurred.  Here are things to consider when working toward healing:

• Accept that healing is not a quick thing that happens, but a moment-by-moment process that requires effort each day.
• Remove negative thoughts out of your head: there is no need to mentally replay what happened or what was said; this keeps the pain fresh (refocus on the here and now)
• Keep poisonous words out of your mouth: don’t attempt to repay hurt with malicious words (never cloud your conscious with wrongdoings)
• Forgive without reminders of the transgression:  everyone knows what happened. Avoid repeatedly discussing the issue during disagreement(s) months and years later
• Don’t develop false standards in order to practice forgiveness. Common false standards that block healing are:

1. I have to know why
2. He needs to show me that he is truly sincere
3. He needs to know that he hurt me
4. I will forgive once (identify specific behavior here) is done

~side note: These are not true forgiveness actions that can lead to true healing.  They are developed out of human emotion and have no bearing on a woman’s ability to forgive.  I’ve seen false standards end up being moving targets, because they’re forever changing for the purpose of proving a point—not healing.~

• Remain mindful of your long-term marriage goals.  Ask yourself, “do I want a happy marriage or not?”

Practice calls for patience

Caution—everyone feels less than confident when attempting to practice the above tips, and that’s okay.  Emotions are fluid.  They change quickly.  The goal is not to become perfect at forgiveness, but to become a practicer of patience while the marriage revitalizes itself.

When unable to practice forgiveness two questions should be answered: what is the biggest risk associated with not healing, and what is the largest reward from healing? Connecting with a reason to love again is a motivator in itself to at least try it.

Many marriages require blood, sweat, and tears for happiness.  Take my word for it, it’s well worth the effort to trust your spouse with no limits. Healing from marital hurt is possible.

[tweetthis]Love, forgive, and trust as if your marriage depends on it…[/tweetthis]

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xoxo, Dr. Lil