4 ways to overcome Insecurities

We all have them… insecurities of some sort. Perhaps mental, physical, emotional or all of the above – all of which can wreak havoc on a marriage. In my “The Irony of Infidelity” post, I discussed how my post-baby body led to insecurities about my physical appearance, which later had an impact on my marriage.

If not addressed, insecurities can consume your life and even lead you to create scenarios that simply don’t exist. Below are four things I do to overcome my insecurities to assure they do not foster negativity in my life:

Separate fantasy from reality

Unfortunately, our generation is bombarded with fantasies that simply don’t exist…fake relationships, fake ASSets, and perfect lives without half the work we find ourselves putting in every day! It’s become extremely commonplace for insecurities to develop thinking that what we see in the media actually exists. Make a commitment to STOP comparing your marriages, your body and the way you conduct your life to what you see on TV, online or even to what your peers have.

Discuss your insecurities

Most often, we’re afraid to speak our insecurities out loud. Afraid of judgment or scared they will be used against us in the future. The people you love and trust would not judge or harm you especially your spouse.

Are those extra 10lbs creating insecurities? When I spoke about my physical insecurities to my husband (after the birth of our 2^nd daughter) he re-arranged his schedule to make time for me to go to a fitness class I really love.

Is your spouse creating insecurities? A silent ringtone or an increased amount of time spent on social media can lead to thoughts of infidelity. Call it out. Let your spouse know these actions may be creating insecurities. More than likely, they don’t even realize their actions and will be quick to take steps toward making you feel at ease.

Is your boss removing responsibilities from you and transferring them to another employee, creating insecurities about whether you’re no longer next in line for the big promotion? Discuss it. Perhaps, he or she is taking steps to prepare you for the next big project that will solidify your upward movement within the company.

Identify the source

Most insecurities have a direct source. As discussed earlier, they may be created by someone but often times insecurities are developed through past experiences we haven’t moved beyond.

Insecurities are not always developed through a negative experience either. They can, in fact, come from a positive experience as well. For years, I was very insecure about my parenting. Primarily because my mother has the patience of Job and my extreme lack of patience creates many frustrating moments for me. Because my parenting style is different from my mother’s (and she, in my opinion, is an awesome parent) I felt unable to “measure up” and often question if I’m doing a good job. Ultimately, the source of my insecurity comes from me being a naturally impatient person so patience is something I work on every single day.

Surround yourself with positive people

This should probably be # 1. We hear this all the time and this seems like a no-brainer. However, I’ve been a part of social circles that will allow “Debbie Downer” to come in and take over. Before you know it, everyone is complaining and acting like life could get no worse! If you’re a group of 5; and 4 out of 5 of you are “Positive Patties”; Debbie will either take her sad ass home or draw inspiration from the rest of the circle to transform into a Positive Patty too!

We all have our days and it’s impossible for every day to be a good day. By no means is it realistic to expect your friends to never complain or be negative about a situation, however, if this is a consistent pattern and seems more like a personality trait than a one-time rant it may be time to call “Debbie” out on this!

I’ve included a resource from the professional’s regarding tackling insecurities too: How Insecurities Can Harm Your Relationship

Rhea

3 Comments

Shalyce on August 31, 2015 at 11:32 pm

Great tips!

Rhea on September 1, 2015 at 4:27 pm

Thanks Shalyce!
Reply

Shantá Harris on September 2, 2015 at 4:39 pm

I’ve learned that my husband appreciates me being transparent when I feel insecure about something and it seems to bring us closer when I do express it.

4 ways to overcome Insecurities

Separate fantasy from reality

Discuss your insecurities

Identify the source

Surround yourself with positive people

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