Around year six of my marriage, my husband shocked the hell out of me! We were having one of our sentimental talks that unfortunately don’t occur as often as I’d like (he’s not the mushy type). We were both reflecting on our marriage and he said, “These years with you haven’t been the best years of my life, but they’ve been the most meaningful and impactful years of my life.” I could tell that as soon as he said those words he wanted to take them right back. The truth is, I had an “OMG, you feel that way, too” reaction once his words settled. I think some would be bothered by this statement, but I wasn’t in the least bit.
The difference between the best “times” and the best “moments”
When I think back to the BEST time of my life, they don’t involve him either. I can vividly recall the best time of my life as if it were yesterday. 16 years old – it was the summer I received my Junior Driver’s License. My mother’s 1996 Honda Civic basically belonged to me and my friends! We had the time of our lives. We all had part-time jobs with just enough money and NO bills or responsibilities. In short, we were living the GOOD life. To this day at 33 years old, whenever my friends and I come together, we reminisce about the amazing life we had from about age 15-20 before responsibility took hold of us. It was the life before student loans, mortgages, daycare and tough decisions that would shape the lives of those we care about more than anything in the world. These reminiscing sessions are the quickest way to place a huge smile on my face. I see the same smile on my husband’s face when he reminisces about his “best years,” too.
We credit each other for experiencing the best moments of life together. There is a huge difference. Our wedding, the birth of our daughters, the family trips, those are some of the best moments of our lives, but it’s okay if we don’t immediately associate that with the best time of our lives! The moments I share with my husband come with amazing, bad AND ugly. Yet, my husband is the most instrumental person in my life. Our disagreements and differences show me a different perspective and understanding of life and myself. My husband tells and shows me that I am the best thing that’s ever happened to him, but what we have is WORK. Meaningful work. Sometimes I look back to the best times of my life and appreciate them even more for how care-free that time was (even if I didn’t realize it then). I refer back to the best time of my life as a reference point when communicating with my daughters about living life to the fullest. Most importantly, since having the open and honest discussion with my husband, it made us realize that some of our life is passing us by and we need to be intentional about creating more times that make us smile just as much as those best times did, if not more — more traveling, more memories and as much of a care-free mindset as two responsible, grown adults can feasibly afford to have.
