Superwoman is Dead

The moment I realized she had to go

I can recall one of the scariest and most confusing moments of my life… my newborn was napping, my 5 year old was watching T.V. and my husband was out of town at a flag football tournament. Despite two small children inside of the house, I found myself outside in the car; crying hysterically on the phone with my mom.

I specifically remember running outside so the kids wouldn’t see me upset, and then running to the car to avoid the neighbors who were out enjoying their afternoon. I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me! I knew I had a pretty overwhelming day, but I was consumed with emotions and anxiety. I literally went into hiding! The only thing I knew at the moment was I could not let a single person know that “Superwoman” was actually a vulnerable, tired, and frustrated human being.

What got me to this point? The quest to be every ones perfect somebody, but nothing to myself was the best answer to the question I was faced with. Initially, I immediately blamed my husband for my sudden loss of control. I accused him of never offering help and not caring about my needs.

No, what really got me to this point? My first years of marriage were spent putting everyone’s needs AND wants before my own. I found I was restricting myself from any personal pleasure (that didn’t involve my family) because that was not my perception of what a wife was supposed to do. I did not grow up in a marital home and had no direct model of what marriage was (or could be for me). I saw strong independent women who always made it happen. They didn’t ask for help; they didn’t complain and they never had breakdowns (or did they)? Of course they did…but like myself, they hid their struggles because at some point in their life, they were made to believe their greatest joy should come from relentlessly doing for others, even if it meant sacrificing their personal happiness and well being.

Be careful about referring to yourself as superwoman.

Others will eventually believe you.

After much prayer, I had to get real with myself and identify what led me to that car – alone, anxious & overwhelmed.

When I asked my husband for help and he didn’t complete the task fast enough (or to my liking) I did it myself
When my mother-in-law offered to keep the girls, I would decline because her parenting style was a bit different from mine
When my husband encouraged me to hang out with friends, I rejected the notion thinking that any free time we actually get should be spent with each other
Despite already having a heavy workload, I would still raise my hand for the new project at work

The list of what led me to that car can go on for quite some time, but ultimately I was suffering from “Superwoman Syndrome,” which I (personally) define as the need to be everything to everybody and most often times nothing to one’s self. Ultimately, when you reduce your self-worth to just being the title of others, you will lose your own identity and personal happiness.

[tweetthis]Love yourself too. It’s not selfish to make yourself a priority once in a while[/tweetthis]

I am so much more than just Travis’ wife or Taylor and Morgan’s mom. Before I was given the honor to carry these titles, I was simply Rhea; a woman who I happen to like very much when she’s being herself and not what everyone else needs or wants her to be. Besides… my husband and kids like “Rhea” a lot better than that machine that walked around, with an ironed on “S” on her chest!

It was a long process, but at the end of 2015, I made a declaration that I would no longer refer to myself as Superwoman. I officially killed the B*&T#! 2016 was the most empowering year of my life because I became more comfortable with putting myself first and working inside of my limitations. Throughout 2017, I will take you through my journey in a monthly series titled “Superwoman is Dead.” I will share the moments, I celebrated her death, grieved my “loss” and the times I even tried to bring her back to life! Maybe by the end of the series, you’ll be making funeral arrangements for the Superwoman in you too!

XO, Rhea

5 Comments

Coreea McCoppin on January 5, 2017 at 10:22 pm

This was a fabalous read! It is so on time for me and relatable. This will give me the confidence to kill the B$:6ch too, tonight actuall. I just cannot be her and I do want to be. Thank you so much for sharing.

Rhea on January 5, 2017 at 10:33 pm

You’re welcome!! Yes! Kill her, she must die. I will admit it’s tough in the beginning and there will be times you want to bring her back to life but life is sooo much better for me now that she’s gone!
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Teia O on March 7, 2017 at 12:54 am

This was me to a tee. steadily doing for others and forgetting to take care of myself.. I remember my breaking point, and I honestly can’t blame anybody but myself for allowing it to go on so long. This post was an awesome read and every woman needs to read this..

Fab Wives™ on March 7, 2017 at 4:38 pm

Thank you! I know exactly what you mean. I had to get real with myself and acknowledge how my actions were overwhelming me too! Thanks for reading and sharing your experience too! ~Rhea
Reply
Fab Wives™ on March 7, 2017 at 5:10 pm

Thank you! I know exactly what you mean. I had to get real with myself and acknowledge how my actions were overwhelming me too! Thanks for reading and sharing your experience too! ~Rhea
Reply

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Superwoman is Dead Vol. 2 - Fab Wives - […] after suffering from “Superwoman Syndrome” for years. In Vol. 1- I shared “The Moment I Realized She Had to…