How to avoid destroying your marriage with words

Like all marriages, my marriage is not void of conflict or arguments. On a frequent basis, my husband and I have disagreements. Heck! In a marriage there is a lot to disagree about: managing schedules, priorities, finances, parenting, etc., and all with someone who (although you’re compatible with) in most cases you’re the complete opposite of. Most of our disagreements do not end in an argument, but when they do…our personalities can turn an ordinary disagreement into a verbal world war!

I can be a bit feisty and my husband’s sarcasm can be borderline obnoxious at times. Admittedly, we can both be very immature in the marital conflict resolution department and those ingredients don’t always make for the best recipe!

During our first couple of years of marriage when I had a heated argument with my husband, I went for the gut and turned into a verbal assassin. Name calling, cursing, yelling and if he really pissed me off…I did the unthinkable and threw in a “your mama” or two. Sometimes I would crack myself up, but most times I disgusted myself and knew we had to find a better way to resolve conflict. Thank God, I have come a long way with controlling my anger because tearing down your spouse in any circumstance is unhealthy and using these immature tactics to “win” an argument is counterproductive and catastrophic!

[tweetthis]Tearing down your spouse in any circumstance is unhealthy, counterproductive and catastrophic[/tweetthis]

For the sake of my marriage, and out of fear that my assassination attempts could one day result in killing my marriage by saying something I simply could not apologize for, I had to make a real commitment to growing love and marriage. Here are a few steps I now take to maturely handle conflict within my marriage.

1). They say never go to bed angry, but I have never completely agreed with this phrase. Sometimes it’s best to sleep on it and in the morning it’s likely not that serious or you may have a fresh perspective or understanding of the situation. A simple “I love you, but I really think we should table this discussion” goes a long way. After I say that I may still be angry but I am acknowledging that, while I will not ignore the situation, I am not in the right frame of mind for a productive discussion.

2). I LISTEN a lot more! I’m a Capricorn, so I always want to get my point across, but I find that taking the time to hear my husband’s concerns or perspectives allows me to focus on his frustrations. Often time I find the argument may have stemmed from a form of miscommunication all together.

3). They also say to keep people out of your business. I DO agree with that but to an extent! I’m hoping that everyone has a non-judgmental, non-critical individual within your supportive social circle. I get great advice from my fellow Fab Wives who are often able to give me insight into how my husband may view a situation based on his personality type. This insight is so important with helping me better understand why something is either very important or not important to him at all.

4). I have been making a strong effort to understand and respect our differences. [tweetthis]Opposites attract but the same characteristics that made you fall in love with your spouse can be the things you complain about![/tweetthis] I love that my husband is spontaneous, but when it’s time to organize our schedules I used to get upset about schedule conflicts, and so forth because he did not plan in advance! I am learning to just adjust and appreciate the differences and the way we balance each other out.

One of the worst things you can do is to tear your spouse down with words and verbal assassination attempts. I hope these tips are helpful for you if you’re struggling with conflict management in your marriage. Please also share other tactics you use to manage marital conflict in the comments section below.

3 Comments

Tikila Adolph on May 6, 2015 at 12:02 pm

Thank you so much for your openness and honesty! I learned this early on to control my words and I appreciate you sharing your experience!

Aisha County on March 6, 2017 at 10:20 pm

I needed to read this today. Thank you ❤

Fab Wives™ on March 6, 2017 at 10:32 pm

You’re welcome!!
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How to avoid destroying your marriage with words

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